


I'll Be Here For You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Also warnings, And so will characters, Bullying, FTM Dave, Gender Dysphoria, HRT, I have no idea what other tags will be needed, I'm making this sound horrible aren't I?, I'm sorry but its not this bad, It's gonna be really cute and stuff promise, M/M, Name might change as well, Self-Harm, Ships will also be updated, Tags will be updated, Therapy, attempted suicide, but now it is, it wasnt before, like serious now, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is DO- no. You swear to god the next person to call you Dove will have a sword up their ass. Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you have been cursed with a female body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [breath_e](https://archiveofourown.org/users/breath_e/gifts).



> So, I'm the person who writes and people get hooked on it  
> Then loses what to do and just leaves it there.  
> So I give you all premission if I don't update this within a week or two if you like this story to spam the comments.  
> Cause that might be the only way I'll update.  
> So yeah.  
> I'll just leave my painful writing here.

Your name is DO- no. You swear to god the next person to call you Dove will have a sword up their ass.  


Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you have been cursed with a female body.  
You would never admit this to either of your older brothers though.  
You think they know about it anyway though.  
  
You see, when you were about 5 you came home from kindergarden and refused to answer to your name, you said that your name was Dave.  
Everyone went along with it up until first grade and then you were forced into the girl sterotypes again. You never were a normal one though.  
Your favorite color has and probably always will be red. You wanted to be a time traveler not a princess.  
You still think time jumping would be cool though.  
Okay enough of that past story shit.  
  
Your kinda in a pickle right now.  
Really shouldn't be thinking about that shit when you're gasping for air quietly in class.  
Maybe you should go to the nurse.  
The thought doesn't cross your mind though as you scratch at the ace bandages under your shirt.  
You admit, it's not the smartest move to use the bandage but to you that didn't really matter.  
What mattered at the moment was you couldn't breathe.  
Lucky for you someone notices and is quick to raise a hand.  
  
"Yes Miss Boatwright?" The teacher asked the girl who seemed to be panicking slightly.  
  
"Dave can't breathe!" She said quickly.  
Dave kinda stuck to you as a nickname and that's what everyone knew you as.  
The teacher acted quickly, thankfully he was one of the nicer teachers and was kneeling next to your desk in a second.  
  
"Dave what's wrong?" The teacher asked.  
You didn't respond.  
"Do you have any kind of past breathing problems?" You shake your head at him.  
"Asthma?" Another shake of the head. "Okay, I'm taking you to the nurses office." The teacher picked you up.  
Almost as if you weighed nothing and headed off to said office.  
He sits you on the cool metal bed thingie as the nurse asks then leaves.  
You scratch at your chest, trying to give some hint to the nurse what was wrong.  
The nurse notices and is gripping the hem of your shirt in a second.  
  
"Is it something with your chest that's under your shirt?" She asked. You nod.  
"Can I take the shirt off?" You nod again and sit up slightly as she slips it over your head.  
You really didn't think about her finding out.  
Maybe due to the lack of oxygen flow to your brain was why you didn't think of it.  
You only have enough time to register a gasp before you pass out.  
  
  
When you come to the nurse is sitting next to you. She doesn't notice your awake and you stay silent, intent on keeping it that way.  
You stay silent and almost fall back into sleep until the door opens and you hear your Bro's voice.  
You stay pretending to sleep though as you listen to the conversion that was happening.  
  
"Where's Dove?" You could hear the worry in his voice, you expected his face was contorted in worry as well despite his normal poker face.  
"She's sleeping mister Strider." The nurse moved from your side and you really didn't mind all that much, you really just wanted to hear how she would explain the binding and everything to him.  
luckily for you she sat him down right next to you so he was calm as she spoke.  
  
"Mister Strider are you aware of the term transgender?" No was your first thought, you knew Bro probably had no clue and when the nurse sighed you assumed he had shaken his head.  
"It's very common so I wonder why you haven't, but I believe this is what's up with Dave."  
  
"Dove." Bro corrected.  
  
"I believe  _he_ would rather be called Dave, seeing as that is who he has everyone address him as." Bro sighed heavily. "It's really not his fault mister Strider, and I really hope you don't blame him." She sighed softly.  
"It's a case of gender dysphoria, also known as gender identity disorder. It's more or less a mental disorder, hence why there is a name for it." The nurse moved a bit, it sounded as if she was opening a notebook by the sound of paper. "I'm gonna give you a few websites and a website to get him a proper binder so this doesn't happen again." The sound of a pen writing filled the room as she continued.  
"He'll need to rest so I'm gonna write him an excuse note for the rest of the week." She spoke with a sweet and calming voice.   
"And even if you aren't supportive of him being this way please get him a binder, he's gonna have really bad lung problems if he continues with ace bandages." You finally gently open your eyes, just in time to see Bro nod and take the paper.  You shut them again before either of them notice though and soon you feel Bro picking you up.  
  
"Let's go home little man." He said quietly to you, thanking the nurse before leaving the school.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't gonna update today.  
> But me and my favorite writer ran into each other on PARP and  
> she read this  
> And she told me she liked it and my writing.  
> So I'm updating again.

You.  
Your new.  
But you look very scary  
Maybe we should just-  
Wait.  
You have a sword okay we'll just go along with you  
heh heh...  
  
Your name is DERRICK STRIDER.  
But you think that name is stupid so you just go by BRO.  
  
Anyway onto the more pressing matters.  
You are currently carrying your little sis-  _brother.  
_ You have to keep reminding yourself, you've called he-  _him_.  
Your little sis for as long as you can remember so it's gonna be a little hard to get used to.  
But currently you are carrying him to your car, at noon when he should still be in school.  
Your lucky he can't hear your thoughts as you sit him in the backseat. Careful not to wake him.  
You know he sure as hell needs the sleep.  
  
He doesn't sleep much.  
You hear him pacing in his room at night.  
You have no idea why he doesn't sleep but he doesn't.  
Maybe he was worried about you finding out.  
Maybe he was worried about D or something, you don't know.  
All you know is he doesn't sleep much so you should try and let him have all he can.  
  
But that plan fails as you open the front seat and get in the car.  
She- _he_ shifts and tries to sit up, only to lay right the fuck back down thanks to you.  
"Stay laying down buddy, don't need to hurt yourself more then you already have." He looks down.  
  
You start the car and make it about half way to the apartment building when Do- _Dave_ speaks.  
"Are you mad at me." It was so quiet you almost didn't hear it.  
You freeze for a second before speaking.  
  
"No... No. God no, you can't help this okay? And we're gonna get you help. Not the fix you kinda help, the real kinda help, to help you be what you wanna be okay?"  
He nods softly, but keeps his gaze on the floor board.  
"But I am a little disappointed in you."  
His head shot up so fast his shades slipped down and you could see the worry in his eyes.  
"Chill lil' man. I'm disappointed you didn't tell me or D sooner, using ace bandages isn't good for you." His eyes soften and he nods again, pushing his shades back up.  
Now, normally you would be mad at him for keeping something like this from you, really you kinda guess it's your fault though for not noticing it all.  
But back on topic, you would normally be mad at him but acording to the nurse it's really not something he can help.  
You just hope after you get him a binder (You honestly have no idea what that is but you believe it's what makes you look flat like a guy) he'll be safe.  
  
Really that's all you want for Dave and Dirk, for them to be safe, I mean sure, you taught them how to sword fight and all that when they were pretty young, but they were the ones who asked you to teach them.  
You are the strict guardian, they used to call you 'The Big Bad Bro' because of that.  
D however was the type of guardian that spoiled them, not that you minded or anything, he wasn't home much so that was really expected of him.  
Speaking of D.  
  
"Lil' man?" You got a hum in response.  
"You know D is coming home later today right? You'll have to explain this to him, plus I would also like and explaination on why you didn't tell either of us."  
He mumbled something quietly.  
"What was that? You gotta speak up."  
  
"Dirk knows... I told him..."  
  
"Yeah well Dirk isn't one of your guardians now is he?"  
  
"No... I'm sorry." You sigh.  
  
"No no, don't be sorry, I just wish you had told us before this happened to you." You pulled into the parking lot and parked the car, turning around and looking at him.  
"I just want you to be safe, I don't want you to be hurt like this okay?" He nodded and you stopped the car, got out and picked him up again and started inside.  
You honestly don't know how to feel about all of this, maybe you should be mad.  
You don't think you could be mad at him though.  
  
You take the elevator with him still in your arms. Your sure he can walk but he hasn't said anything so your just gonna keep carrying him.  
You two make it to the top floor and thus your apartment.  
Sure you guys had the money to live in a decent house.  
Probably a more then decent house.  
But you choose to stay where the memories are.  
  
You laid Do- _Dave_ on the futon and went to the kitchen for a second, when you came back you found him asleep, or faking to be asleep.  
You didn't really care, as long as he was resting.  
You draped a blanket over him and watched him snuggle into it before sitting at the end of his feet.  
  
You leaned back and sat your feet  up before you heard the door open.  
  
"Bro?" You smiled a bit at the voice but sh'd him.  
You got up and walked over to D.  
  
"Dave's asleep." You said to him and he raised an eyebrow over his shades.  
  
"Who the hell is Dave?" Oops, you fucked up there.  
  
"Dove is Dave... Okay there's a lot to explain with that but for now lets get you settled back in okay?" He just kept the confused face he had but shrugged none the less.  
You were gonna let Dave explain all that stuff.  
But for now he was gonna rest, and you were gonna catch up with D.


	3. Chapter 3

Well here's another new person.  
You seem nice.  
You look like the scary guy but younger.  
Let's go with you.  
  
Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you are flipping your shit.  
You're at school and your brother hasn't showed up for lunch which you know you both have together.  
Now, normally you wouldn't be freaking out  over this until you were told he went to the nurses.  
Now your flipping your shit.  
  
You just kinda rush around the school, careful of any other classes that were going on.  
You were more then worried about him.  
Fuck for all you know he could be getting raped somewhere and you don't know if you could handle it if something like that happened.  
  
You finally give in and ask the nurse.  
Lucky you she tells you he was sent home and that Bro had picked him up.  
You let out a sigh of relief, thank the nurse then head off to your next class.  
So much for eating lunch.  
  
After the rest of boring classes and random chats with your friends you finally headed home.  
When you walk into the apartment you were happy to see your older brother, D sitting on the floor with Bro.  
Striders were cool.  
Striders didn't hug.  
But you hadn't seen him in half a year so you were quick to put your bag down and hug him.  
He chuckled and just hugged you back.  
After a small time of hugging you pulled back.  
  
"How ya doin' Dirk?" He asked.  
  
"More like how are you doing? God we haven't seen you in forever." He chuckled.  
  
"I'm fine, chill little man." You just gave him a tiny smile and then there was the sound of movement from the futon.  
You walked over and leaned to look over the couch, seeing Dave sitting up and rubbing at his eyes.  
  
"Well morning sleepy head." Bro said and walked over, sitting at the end of his feet.  
"Feeling any better?" Bro asked Dave. You smiled a bit watching them.  
Dave gave a groan in response which made you chuckle.

"Oh come on Dove whats up?" You tend to call him Dove around your brothers because you know they don't know.

Dave groans. "Well, I couldn't breathe for one, still kinda cant." You look at him, a little shocked.

"What?" You asked, sitting next to him quickly. "Dave what happened?" You asked worriedly.

"Bandage problems." He said, moving the blanket around him a bit to show you his bruised ribs.

"Oh ym god, Dave you can't keep wearing those things after th-." You were cut off by Bro.

"And he's not." You looked at Dave for a second then at Bro.

"You know?" Bro nodded and Dave sighed.

"The nurse called him..." You nod a bit and turn to look at D.  
He looks confused beyond belief.

"Okay what?" He asked.  
"I think it's time someone explains this to me..." Dave groaned and threw an arm over his face.

"Okay, okay." You gently take Dave's hand in a way of comfort.  
You really liked Dave but laws keep you from admitting that.

"D, do you know what a transgender is?" Dave asked after a while, D nodded.

"Yeah, I'm not an idiot." D responded.

"Alright then, that makes this a shit ton easier." You chuckle a bit at that. "I'm a trans D. My body says I'm a girl but my brain is telling me otherwise."   
He gave a shrug. "That's the simple way to put it really."

D looked pretty okay with it. "Okay that makes sense but what do you mean by bandage problem?"

"I had been wrapping my chest with ace bandages, then I couldn't breathe in class." 

"Damn Dave you should've just told me or Bro and let us get you a binder."

"I was scared okay..."

"Yeah, the only reason he told me was because I walked in on him binding once." You shrugged. "It's not that bad, there could be a lot worse things wrong with him."  
'Like me.' You thought to yourself.

"Well at least we know now right? Be careful though geez, don't do that again." Bro said and Dave nodded.

"Yeah, I won't..."

You really hope he doesn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**== > Be Dave again**

 

You are suddenly Dave again.  
And damn are you happy.  
It seems your whole family is okay with you and doesn't think you're a freak.  
And that makes you happier then you've ever been in your entire life.

Dirk also seems happy and that makes you even happier.  
What? No. No no no, not like that you gross fuck!  
He's your brother that's why, your twin brother at that and your happy he's happy because of that reason.

You think that you're very lucky to have D and Bro and Dirk, they're probably the best family you could ever ask for.

* * *

It's been what? Two weeks since all that happened? Yeah you think that's about right.

Currently you're walking down the halls of school, off to lunch when someone stops you, you feel lucky that you're the only one in the hall, well besides this person.

"Miss Strider." You almost hiss at the person, but the way they spoke you knew it was a teacher.  
That confused you though, Bro and D had talked to all of the teachers and everything to assure they called you Dave and addressed you as a guy so why this teacher called you miss escaped your mind.  
You turned around to face her anyway.

"Yes, can I help you? And you are aware I am not a 'miss' I am a 'mister." She scoffed at you, she actually scoffed at you and you know now you want to kill this teacher more then any other before.

"That's not true, you were born a she and you will stay a she, this is just a phase." Oh, ouch.

"Okay." You snapped at her. "Then explain to me why years ago this started? Explain to me why I began binding my chest in middle grade because I didn't wanna have boobs?"

"Because you didn't know what you did and didn't want Dove." Okay, this teacher was pissing you off.

"No I did know what I wanted and I. Still. Do."

"No you don't Dove, and I'm going to make sure to fix that." With a smile that made you feel sick she left.

You've never been so scared about something or someone in your life.

* * *

Turns out, that teacher in the hall is your history teacher. Great. Just. Great.  
All class hour she addressed you as she as well as 'miss Strider' and you've never been so ready to shoot a teacher in your life.

Despite that though you don't tell Bro, D or Dirk and just kinda act like it didn't happen.

* * *

 

Okay so, its been a few days since then and you feel like shit about yourself now.  
Thanks to bitch teacher everyone thinks its good to call you Dove and call you she and its  _not._  
You still don't tell anyone though, even when the bullying starts and everyone starts calling you a fag, shoving you against lockers.  
You just ignore them when they do, don't say anything and they'll get tired of you and stop.

They don't.

And you consider something you've never considered before.  
You lock yourself in the bathroom when you get home from school.

Your hands fumble with the razor blade.

Soon you hold a piece of it in your hand.

Your mind blanks out as the cuts make their way onto your skin.

 

You come to an hour or so later, you had the shower running so no one knew you were doing this.   
But when you come back to a sane state of mind you panic but quickly stick your wrist under the shower water, letting it wash the blood away.  
You throw the blade in the thrash and wrap your arm up, covering it with the sleeve of your shirt that you had brought with you.  
You wet your hair in the water before shutting it off, slipping the other clothes on then making your way to the bathroom like you hadn't done anything.

You find yourself right back in the bathroom five days later.

* * *

The days between each trip to the bathroom become shorter and shorter until almost every day when you get home from school you find yourself in the bathroom.

So many cuts litter your arms its insane.

 

One day you find yourself in your room instead.  
Bro was taking one of his long ass showers when you got home so you went to your room instead.

You've stopped blanking out when you do it too.  
So the knock on your door shocked you, just as much as when Dirk pushed the door open.

"Yo Dave have you seen m- Dave!" He ran over, yanking the blade out of your hand as you sat in a shocked state.  
"Oh my god Dave what are you doing?" You stay silent.  
"Dave fucking answer me! Why are you doing this?"

"'Cause I'm a freak." You mumble quietly.

"Dave you are nothing but that god who told you that?"

"The entire grade Dirk." You snapped. "God have you not heard them?! Have you not seen what they do to me?!"

"No I haven't Dave! You should've told me or Bro or D or just... Someone if they were bullying you!"

"I couldn't... It's all that damn teachers fault that they think it's okay.."

"What teacher? I swear I'll murder them."

"Don't... My history teacher. She refuses to treat me like a boy.. You puts me with the girls when we have to split up..."

"And her name?"

"Dirk..."

"No Dave." He took your hand. "I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself like this anymore, I won't tell Bro and D as long as you let me talk to this teacher about how she's treating you."

"She says I don't know what I want, that I'm too young to know that this is who I wanna be." You could feel his hand clench.

"Well I think if you've got a pretty good idea on who you wanna be alright? And I'm gonna talk to your teacher okay." You nod and he holds your hand for a bit longer before giving it a squeeze and walking out of your room.

You really think that without Dirk you wouldn't have stopped.

The thought sadly though, didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow okay  
> This took forever and I really hope it's longer then the other chapters and if It's not I might just cry because I'm trying to write longer chapters and yeeeeaaahhhh.  
> But  
> This chapter was really sad  
> And I pormise it's not all gonna be this sad.  
> I swear it gets better  
> And then it gets worse again  
> Then it gets better again


	5. ==> Dave: keep being bullied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sadder then the last chapter I warn you  
> I feel bad  
> I make too many bad things happen to people  
> It'll be okay soon I promise  
> Also guys please tell me if you see any spelling mistakes because I'm shit at spelling and my computers keyboard hates me so...  
> Yeah

You sigh as you pull the binder over your head and get ready for school.  
You still really don't wanna go.  
Fuck school.  
Sadly however Bro and D refuse to let you drop out.

You sigh again and pull your shirt on and shoes on.

The only thing you have to say right now is.

Fuck.

School.

 

* * *

 

 

Half the day passes and as you head to lunch you have a false sense of safeness.

That is until you end up pined to a wall by some kid.  
You lean your head away from him as he pushed hard on your pinned wrists.  
You flinch but try to keep it hidden.  
He leans closer to you when you sadly fail to do so.

"Whats wrong  _Dove_?" The way he said the name made you flinch again.

"Nothing." You say quietly, pulling on your wrists. You were better then this, you knew that.

You kept trying to get your wrists unpinned, it hurt like hell on your cuts.

"Ha, doesn't seem like it." He smirked and pushed harder, tears filled your eyes as you flinched again.

"Let me go." Your voice was small, quiet, not at all like your normal voice.

The boy smirked.

"Only if you admit you're a freak."

"No.. I'm not a freak..."

"Like hell you aren't!" He pushed harder and you could feel the wounds reopening.

"I'm.. I'm not.."

"Well I won't let you go until you say you are." There's a long silence, a very, very long silence before you spoke, quiet again.

"I'm a freak.." The boy smirked and let go of your now bleeding wrists.

"Now go kill yourself fag." You flinch, not caring about anyone seeing now as you bolt away without a single thought.

Your mind was only on your blade.

On getting home and shutting yourself away in the bathroom with it.

 

When you got home you're lucky to find that Bro is gone and so is D.

You heave a sigh in relief as you rush to your room.

You strip your shirt off, now only in your binder.

You look over your wrists, recalling every single cut and scar.

You blank out like you had the first time you cut.

You come back for a short amount of time, sitting against the bathroom wall, wrists bleeding.

You also managed to register a bottle of pills in your hand.

You don't remember anything after that.

Nothing.

Its all blank or really fuzzy.

You know Bro found you.

Laying on the bathroom floor with only your binder on and blood everywhere, along with a pill bottle.

You kinda wish he hadn't found you, because in doing so, he found out about your cutting, he had to have seen the scars on your wrists along with the fresh cuts and semi-old ones.

You don't know what to think of everything.

You haven't said a word to anyone for the last week you've been in the hospital.

You don't feel like it.

You don't  _want_ to.

You feel like they all think you're insane.

You feel like now when they look at you all they see is some depressed little kid who shouldn't be in their care.

You just feel like shit about yourself.

You curl in on yourself.

You're currently by yourself.

Which doesn't happen normally.

Thus so you let yourself cry.

You let yourself let out all the pain you've felt, you let yourself let out the cries you've wanted to since you woke up.

Arms wrap themselves around you after a few minutes and you lean into them, the warmth of your twin calming you slightly.

"Why?" Dirk asked, his voice cracked, almost as if he was about to cry himself.

"Because I'm not normal." Your voice was horse from not speaking in so long. "Because I'm not good enough Dirk... All I do is bring pain and I wish Bro hadn't found me because everyone's life would've been so much better."

"Dave... Just.. Shut up. You aren't... No ones life would be the same without you and you need to understand that nothing, nothing is gonna make us not love you."

You let out a sob and let it all out,spilling out everything to Dirk.

 

* * *

 

Bro and D took you out of school a week later.

You just feel like shit still.

You still haven't talked to anyone besides Dirk that once.

You just can't bring yourself to say anything.

You finally got to go home today though.

Curling up in your bed was heaven for you, pulling your blankets over you and just curling up under them.

Maybe it was for the best that Bro found you.

You really would miss them all.

But you still feel like they wouldn't miss you.

Bro almost refuses to leave your side now though.

You really don't mind it too much but it kills you at the same time.

He doesn't trust you is your thoughts.

He doesn't trust you enough to not hurt yourself if he leaves for five minutes.

But you don't trust yourself either.

You sigh and pull the blankets tighter around you.

When you feel the bed shift beside you you assume Bro was sitting next to your curled up form.

"Dave?" He asked. Him and D both had gotten better at calling you Dave but they still slipped up sometimes.

You gave a soft hum to let him know you were listening.

"I know we all love it here but... D and I talked and we might move." You shot your head up so fast you're surprised your neck didn't break.

And the first word you had spoken to anyone besides Dirk for the last two weeks spit out of your mouth.

"What?" Bro gave a sigh and patted your head.

"We think it might be best if we move and get you two to a better school." You shift slightly but don't say anything for a while.

"Why?"

"Because this doesn't need to happen again.. If it does I don't think we'll be able to save you Dave."

"Good." You mumble, not very loud but somehow Bro heard it.

"Good? Dave that's not 'good'! You wanting to.. Wanting to kill yourself isn't good and we need to get you away from the people making you want to." You look down and don't say anything.

"We're gonna get you help Dave, to stop this." He gestured to your wrists. "This is gonna stop, and you're gonna stop thinking about it."

"I can't Bro.. I just... Can't." And you let it out again, you let everything out to Bro like you had to Dirk and he held you close as you cried.

He told you it was okay and that you did matter.

And that everything would be okay soon.

And you really hope it is.


	6. ==> Dave: meet new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person so take this really cute chapter  
> This is when the romance-ish side of the story starts  
> With  
> John  
> Fucking  
> Egbert  
> *explosion*  
> Okay I'm done now

Two weeks later and you guys are moving into a new apartment.

Always an apartment, never a house.

Not that you minded it.

No but what you did mind was that it was freezing.

Goddamn freezing.

How the hell do people live here?!

Its colder then the ass crack of Jack Frost.

You groan.

What makes the cold worse is you have to sleep on the floor tonight.

Since all of the beds haven't been set up yet.

Oh and you start school tomorrow, that too.

You groan again and just spread out on the pile of pillows that littered the floor at the moment.

"Move over kid." Bro said to you.

You once again groan and roll over, pulling and blanket over yourself.

"Why the hell did we have to move to the coldest place in the goddamn world?" You ask with a grumble and D spoke up at that.

"Because they have a good school here. LGBT friendly along with the fact that they don't put up with bullies."

You sigh. You didn't like the fact you guys had to move because of you.

All because you couldn't be normal.

You curl up tighter with your blanket. 

"Whatever I'm going to bed."

"Its only like 7 Dave?"

"Back in Texas its like 10 so shut up and let me sleep."

"Nope." Dirk said, picking you up and sitting you down on the counter top. "Because you're gonna help me cook dinner." You groan for probably the 100th time today.

"Stop that and help me cook this shit."

You and Dirk made the best stew ever.

No it was actually shit because you guys burnt everything.

You ended up ordering pizza.

* * *

 The next morning came sooner then you liked.

You were already showered and dressed by the time Dirk got up.

When he did you were sitting in the floor eating some leftover pizza from last night.

"I can't tell if you're excited or anxious." Dirk said with his deep morning voice that you envy so fucking much.

"A little bit of both to be honest." You reply with shrug.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Bout an hour maybe two."

"Jesus Christ."

"I barley even slept Dirk so that should've been expected."

"How much sleep did you get?"

"Bout three hours."

"David Elizabeth Strider!" He snapped at you and oh did that name sound perfect to you.

"Whhhhaaaattt?" You whined back to him.

Yep you whined.

Like a little kid.

Nerves really are getting to you huh?

"I demand you lay down and go back to sleep until we have to leave."

"It'll mess my hair up no."

"Dave."

"Not doin it Dirk I'll just be awake the whole time anyway."

"Dave you need the rest, you and me both have big days today."

"Yeah and your big day is gonna be away from me. In a totally different grade."

"Dave I wanted to stay with you its not my fault."

You groan and fall back on the floor.

"Yes it is why do you have to be so smart!"

"I just am smart now get your ass back in this makeshift bed and at least try to sleep some more while I get ready."

You groan again but crawl over there, not feeling like standing up, and tuck yourself into the blankets and pillows.

You find yourself dozing off for a bit until Bro and D woke you up to tell you that it was time to go. To which you jumped up and ran to fix your hair before grabbing your bag and slipping your shoes on.

And with that.

The start of your first day at a brand fuckiing new school started.

* * *

The school wasn't that bad actually, it was pretty big as well as pretty.

Heading into the school you felt kinda safe.

Like you were in some sort of shelter or like you were back to being a little kid and crying in Bros arms because another kid was mean to you about wanting to play with them.

You just felt  _safe_.

Weaving trough the halls to your first class was a little hard, not that there's were too many people no, it was the fact that you refused to ask someone where the class was and ended up being half the class late.

Thankfully once you quickly explained you got lost the teacher let you off with a warning and also gave you a small map of the school for help.

She then told you to go sit next to a kid, John, the name for some reason striked you as strange but you headed over and sat next to the kid she was pointing at.

The kid had black hair, crazy and untameable, it looked like the 'I fell asleep right after I showered and my hair is stuck this way' hair style tons of people try to achieve.

The boy also had buck teeth, really fucking cute buck teeth, not too bad teeth that he would have to get them fixed or something but defiantly noticeable.

Lastly his eyes, his eyes were so fucking blue, an impossible blue if you will, with a small circle of light blue around his pupil and thick black glasses.

The boy was stunningly beautiful basically, and you kept glancing at him the whole class.

After class you properly met John.

The cute ass boy came up to you.

"Hi I'm John!" He said cheerfully.

You bit your tongue to keep from laughing at his dorky voice with a tiny tint of girly high pitch in it.

Your voice was overly girly and you did your best to deepen it as you spoke.

"Sup, I'm Dave." You said, taking John's held out hand and gave it a shake as that's what he wanted.

"I heard you were having trouble getting around the school and I was wondering if you wanted me to show you around?"

"Oh... Yeah that would be great." You shrugged a bit and gave him a small smile.

"Awesome!" He said with that dorky voice of his that was just amazing to you.

* * *

 

The rest of the day was spent going to classes with John, him being late to a few of his thanks to showing you where yours was.

But you were lucky he was doing it for you so you didn't say anything.

When lunch came around you met his friends and sister Jane.

They were all nice and you found out Jane had already met Dirk and that they had most classes together.

You think you might actually have a good friend now.

Maybe two more as well.

And most of all you were pretty happy.

You actually had a goofy smile on your face when you got home.

"Someones happy." Dirk said, crossing his arms in front of you with a smirk.

"Oh shut up."

"What happened did you meet a girl?" He asked, smirk still on his face but he let you get inside the apartment this time.

"No Dirk."

"Meet a guy?"

"... Maybe."

"Ooooo." His smirked widened.

"Dirk I swear to god if you-." You were cut of as he yelled across the apartment while walking to his room.

"Dave met a guy!" You sigh and roll your eyes at him.

"Shut the fuck up Dirk!" You shouted back to him.

You were too happy to argue with him though.

You were happy, you finally got someone as a friend.

Totally just a friend.

Yeah...

Just a friend.

 ~~_Maybe_ ~~ _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During writing this I took a break and decided you know what if I'm taking a break from writing why don't I do some research and I actually found out how FTM's get surgery to get a penis (Well I already knew some of it but now I know a bit more) I actually kinda was thinking about letting Dave have that done but I found out they take skin from the inside of your arm and Dave's is well... Less then available for that I guess you could say so I dunno... I'm gonna let you guys be the judge if I should let him do that or not but I know I am gonna let him get top surgery later on and trust me I'm gonna make that shit adorable.


	7. ==> Dirk: tease Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this is horrible I'm so sorry. Every time I tried to finish my draft my computer crashed or Ao3 wouldn't save it and I just kinds rage quitted and made it utter crap. The next one will possibly be a lot better.

You are currently sitting with your brother on the couch while Bro and D are out doing god knows what.

You guys are sitting in a cuddle-ish way which you honestly find adorable.

"So are you ever gonna tell me about this boy you met?"

"Why don't you tell me about the girl you met?"

"Which one?"

"Jane."

"How do you know Jane?"

"I'll tell you once you tell me about your friends."

"Alright fine." You sigh a bit.

"Jane's pretty cool, she likes baking and stuff, then there's Roxy, she's a drunken teen but she's nice and pretty cool. I think her and Jane are going out by how they act together. And then the last one is Jake, the most dorkest Brit I have ever met. There that's all my friends now, tell me about this boy."

Dave groaned beside you and curled up closer, damn was he cute.

"Fiiiiinnneee. His names John and he just so happens to be Jane's brother, I met her at lunch and John in my first class, John offered to show me around and stuff and we just talked and kinda became friends, hes super cute though, like he's dorky and he's just amazing." He sighed almost dreamily and you felt a ping of jealously.

"So you like him?"

"As a friend yeah."

"Dave you know what I mean." You just barley catch the blush that appeared on his cheeks.

"A little I guess." You smirk.

"Ooooo. Dave's got a crush on John."

"Dirk stop." That just caused your smirk to widen.

"Dave and John sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-." Dave slapped his hand over your mouth and you chuckled.

"What are you Dirk, five?" He asked.

"I am 15 thank you very much and so are you." He rolled his eyes and you chuckled again, shoving his hand off your mouth.

God you love this dork.

 

**== > Dirk: go back to being Dave**

 

Ypu are back to being Dave and are currently trying to force John to come spend the night at your apartment.

"Come on Egderp, we've known each other for a month, it's not like you don't know me well enough to come over."

"Yeah but Dave!"

"What?"

"Sleepovers are for girls." He crossed his arms over his chest and you just barley caught him whince before dropping them again, you've noticed that he's been doing that for a while but you just choose not to question it.

"Sleepovers are in no ways for girls John, we aren't gonna do each others make up and have pillow fights and talk about boys no, we're gonna stay up all night playing video games, eating loads of junk and maybe talk about boys."

"Not a homosexual Dave." John said rolling his eyes.

"You are and we all know it John." That got a giggle from Jade.

"I am not!" He whined.

You just chuckled.

"But come on dude one night, I'm not gonna kill you or anything, my brothers will all be there anyway and plus, apartment building, how would I be able to kill you without about ten people finding out?" You raised an eyebrow slightly to him.

"Fine I'll come over, but just one night Dave!"

"I'll have you swooning in no time then."

"Dave!" You chuckle at how his voice cracks, it seems as if his voice has started changing a bit over the month you've known him, again you haven't questioned it.

But now to more pressing matters of how the fuck are you gonna get the apartment clean in just a few days.

 

* * *

 

 

You forced Dirk to help you clean the apartment up a bit and D pitched in a bit as well. 

Soon enough you had the apartment clean enough for actual people to come over other then you guys.

And of course now the Egderp is standing at your door, a bag over his shoulder and who you assume to be his father standing there with him.

You give the man a small smile and then grab Johns hand, pulling him into the apartment and a small hug.

Yes you hugged John.

Because every time you see him he makes you hug him so you've begun doing it on your own now.

His dad smiled at you two.

"I suppose you are Dave?" He asked.

"Yep, the one and only. Nice to meet you Mr.Egbert." You held your hand out after letting go of John.

He gave a small smile and shook your hand.

"Are your brothers home?" He asked.

"Oh yeah D is." You nod.

"Do you think I could have a moment to chat with him?"

"Of course." You say. "I'll go get him. Come on John you can drop your stuff off in my room on the way." You lead John to the back of the apartment, letting him drop his stuff off in his room before you peeked your head into D's room where he was currently sitting at his desk thing, you assume writing a script or something.

"Yo D!" You say and he turns around.

"Sup?" He asked.

"John's here, his dad wants to talk to you." He nods and gets up, ruffling you and John's hair before heading back down the hall to talk to John's dad while you just pull John into your room.

 You guys sit on your bed and discuss some things to do before you headed out to get you two a drink.

While you do you catch a word from D and Johns dads conversation.

'Transgender'

Oh lovely. They're talking about you. You quickly grabbed the drinks before rushing back to your room, not wanting to hear anymore of the conversation.

You flop onto the bed and you two begin to play video games until it was a bit late.

To which you suggest changing into pajamas.

He nods and digs through his bag before stripping his shirt off.

You notice two, what seem to be scars, around what would be the underside of his boobs if he had them.

They seem pretty fresh though, not pink, but not faded into his skin yet.

You raise an eyebrow slightly in your confusion and John mustve noticed.

"What is it Dave?" He asked.

"How'd you get those scars?" You ask, staning up and walking up to him, looking at them closely. He blushed a bit

"H-heart surgery?" It sounded more of a question then answer. 

"On both sides?"

"I'm a time lord Dave."

"No you aren't, now sit down and explain to me what the fuck is wrong with you."

Boy if you knew what was up with him then you wouldnt have been so harsh.


	8. ==> John: freak out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John explains  
> Dave flips his shit  
> They both shed a tear or two (maybe)  
> Then talk like girls all night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologize...  
> I'm not gonna  
> :T

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you are freaking out.

Why you might ask?

Because your best bro is about to find out one of the biggest secrets of your life.

Nobody knows besides your Dad and Jane.

"W-well..." You stutter.

You have no idea how to tell him.

"John come on. I just wanna know you're alright." Dave said, his arms crossed over his chest as he gave you a stern look.

"I... I'm fine I promise..." You look down, trying to figure out some way to tell him.

"Okay good. Now what'd they have to do to your chest?" You glup.

"W-well you see..." He gave you a look that told you he wasn't gonna take any of your bullshit.

"I was five." If he's gonna find you, you're gonna tell him the whole story. "We were split into groups. Girls on the left... Boys on the right... I went with the boys without a thought... And was shoved out of the line. When I tried to tell the teacher that's where I belonged she just looked at me oddly and led me back to the girls side. That's when I knew something was different..."

His face softened slightly as he sat next to you, you were silent for a bit before continuing.

"Something was really different with me; It carried on through second grade. I was always pushed back with the girls though, the boys wouldn't let me play with them or anything... One day I snuck into my dads office while he was at work... I Googled 'girl wanting to be a boy'." You felt him wrap his arm around you and pull you close to his chest.

"I spent hours, reading so many things about it, mainly hate until I saw the term transgender... I searched that and it felt right... It sounded right... I knew I wasn't alone anymore... I... I actually cried..." He pulled you closer and put his face into your hair.

"Dad found me when he got home, fallen asleep at the computer... When he picked me up it moved the mouse, he saw what I had been reading. He put me to bed and then went, reading and doing his own research... The next morning he sat me down. I didn't go to school that day... We talked... About me... About how we were gonna make it work... We got my haircut two days later and I felt like I belonged for once..."

He shook slightly. He was crying. You had never seen him cry. In fact he said he didn't cry. But here he was.

"I'm still a dude... I just... I'm in the wrong body Dave... One of the nurses, when I got tested for the whole gender dysphora thing, said god knew my balls would be too big so he put them on my chest..."

"The scars are from top surgery... I had it done a few months ago..." That was it. Dave was still shaking and you looked up at him, wiping his eyes. 

"Why are you crying? I'm still your best bro dude." You nudged him a bit and he let out a small sob.

"I'm crying because I'm not alone..."

"W-what?" You asked, looking up at him.

"I am too John..."

"What?"

"Goddamnit John I'm trans too." You froze, looking up at him shocked.

"Y-you are?" He nods and you give a nervous chuckle as you hug him.

"Good job in making me cry by the way... Most people can't do that..."

 "Guess I can check that one off my bucket list!" You say, grinning up at him as he shoves you.

"John you dork."

"I'm not a dork you're the dork!"

"John you are, the biggest dork in the world."

"Whatever." You roll your eyes and push out of his arms to finish changing into your pajamas.

Dave goes into the bathroom to change and when he comes back you can easily tell he still has his binder on.

"Hey no. Take the binder off." He looked at you. "You aren't supposed to wear those for long trust me, I've had one since I was like ten." He sighed and nodded.

He turned his back to you and pulled his shirt off before pulling his binder off as well, he then pulled his shirt back on.

"Happy?"

"Very." You smile at him happily and he sighed a bit and sat next to you on the bed.

"So... I know your whole life story now... I feel like I should tell you mine..."

"Nah if you don't wanna that's fine. I just kinda figured if you're gonna find out then I should just tell you the whole story."

Dave nodded and you smile a bit more when he wraps his arms around you and lays back on the bed with you.

"I think I'll hold off on telling you for now..." You nod.

"That's fine..." You don't mind his cuddling, totally not in a gay way through.

You are pretty sure you aren't gay.

Well.

No.

Nope.

Not gay.

You snuggle back into him. 

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah John?"

"You wanna talk?"

"Hm?"

"Like... About the whole... Transgender thing... I dunno I just... I kinda want to talk to someone about the whole transgender thing that isn't my family."

"We can talk yeah. I would like that too..." You smile faintly you roll over to face his shades. You kinda wonder why he wears them.

You slowly reach a hand up and are a little surprised when he doesn't slap it away like he does at school.

You slip his shades off and stare at his eyes for a moment.

They're beautiful.

They're bright red but seem to be a bit dark around the iris.

He just let's you stare into his eyes for a moment before you set his shades on the night stand and roll back over to face him.

"When did you first realize it?"

That question started a long line of questions between you and him.

You two talked until the sun rose and you two both fell asleep.


	9. ==> Dave: be woken up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shits gonna go down soon I hope you people know this  
> JohnDave shit  
> and then  
> Sad shit  
> Awwwwww yeeeaaah  
> I'm horrible I know

You feel someone poking you and you honestly just wanna slap them.

"Dave come on wake up it's like one in the afternoon."

You groan and peek your eyes open slightly to look at Dirk.

"Fuck off."

"Come on Dave get up, and get John up too." You groan again and pull the boy closer to your chest as you press your face into his hair.

"Don't wanna."

"Dave get the fuck up."

"No." You groan again.

"Fine then."

You close your eyes as you hear him leave and start to drift off again until you feel something cold splatter all over you.

You gasp and shoot up quickly, John did as well.

"Did you really just DUMP COLD WATER ON US?!" You shout as you watch Dirk try not to laugh.

"Yep. You lazy asses wouldn't get up."

"Fuck you." John mutters, shaking slightly and wrapping his arms around himself.

"I'm g-gonna go change.." John mutters again, standing up and quickly grabbing his clothes before stalking off to the bathroom.

You roll your visable eyes at Dirk.

"Fuck you man."

"Wouldn't get up."

"Stayed up all night."

"Not my fault."

"Fuck you Dirk."

"Gladly." He smirked as he walked off and you so badly wanted to slap that smirk off his face.

You sigh and rub your face for a minute before getting up, grabbing some dry clothes and quickly changing.

Why in all hell does it have to be so motherfucking cold?

You sigh again and walk out, grabbing a towel and drying your hair before tossing John, who was just leaving the bathroom, the towel to do the same.

"Oh thanks." He said.

"No problem." John dried his hair off before following you to the kitchen.

"I dunno if we have anything to eat." You say, searching the cabinets but lo and behold you found some cereal and milk in the fridge. (After the swords falling out and John screaming because you forgot to tell him about them.)

You fix you both a bowel of cereal and you two sit in silence while you two ate.

Until Dirk walked in.

"Shit." He muttered when he saw your face.

"I'm guessing you know what's about to go down."

"Yep."

"Roof?"

"Five minutes, let me eat." You nod and he goes to fix himself some cereal while you finish yours.

"Um... What are you two doing on the roof?" John asked while you grabbed a random sword from the fridge.

"Strife." You say like it's a normal thing and it is for you.

"You mean like... Fight... With swords?"

"Yep."

"Oh..."

"Chill Egbert neither of us will be hurt trust me."

"O...Kay..." And with that you quickly head to the roof, telling John he can mess around on your computer while you two fight.

One strife later and you and Dirk both end up laying on the floor.

Not even the couch or anything you two just fell on the floor.

Maybe strifing this early wasn't much of a good idea.

 

* * *

 

 

A couple days later you and John were chilling out in your room. 

John was laying upside down, hanging off your bed while you were laying on the floor.

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah John?"

"Why do you wear your shades? I like your eyes..."

You stay silent for a minute.

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer Dave."

"Well to me it is."

"Dave."

"I wear them because when I was younger, on top of being bullied for wanting to be with the boys, I got bullied for my eyes..."

"Oh wow... Why? They're beautiful!"

"Because... I guess they just thought they were weird."

"Huh... Well do you think your eyes are weird?"

"Kinda... I mean who has red eyes? Besides D I guess..."

"Your brother has them too?"

"All of us have weird eyes... Dirk's are orange, Bro's are golden... Mine are red and D's are a dark red."

"Oh wow... That's... Wow..."

"Yep."

"That's cool."

You just nod this time, throwing a hand over your face. 

"You wanna play Mario cart?"

"Why the hell not."

 

* * *

 

 

You are panicking. Like, panic panicking.

You had no idea what to do.

You need Jade or Rose, now.

You start thinking.

Either go to Jade who you honestly trust, but you kinda don't know if you can trust her not to blab.

 You groan quietly, you guess you'll have to go to Rose

You sigh a bit and quickly pull your boxers and pants up, leaving the stall awkwardly. You washed your hands off quickly and then headed to the lunch room.

You couldn't have noticed at a better time.

Once you pulled Rose away to talk you got nervous, even though the halls were empty.

"Okay... Okay this is gonna be a huge shock to you but you can't tell anyone..." Rose raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"What is it Dave?"

"I'm not... Okay I have the body of a girl but I'm not a girl and just... Girl things... I'm having a girl thing and I don't know what to do because I was not prepared for this one fucking bit."

"Calm down Dave." She said, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You are lucky I'm usually prepared for these kinda of things." She started walking off and you followed her. 

"Yeah yeah yeah... I just need to uh... Yeah..."

"You don't have to be so awkward about it Dave, its not something to be ashamed of, all girls go through it."

"Not a girl Lalonde."

"No but you do have the body of one, you should talk to your brothers about hormones."

"I'd honestly rather not until later... They haven't known for long and we just had to uproot and leave because of this..."

"Yes but it would help. Just promise me you won't take any non prescription hormones, those have major side affects and can really harm you."

"I'm not gonna take any I promise." You give her a small smile as she stops at her locker, she quickly did the combination and pulled a small bag out, she handed it to you, thankfully the bag wasn't girly and could easily pass as yours.

"I want it back at the end of the day if you don't mind."

"No problem, your a life saver though I hope you know that."

"I know that very well."

"Well... I'm just gonna go do things now..." She chuckled and waved a bit to you as you rushed off.

 

* * *

 

 

You gave Rose her little bag thing back at the end of the day, thanking her once again because wow you really needed that.

Going home you felt extremely awkward.

Honestly you didn't know why, you had been around your brothers many times during this time of the month but now that they were actually calling you he and him and were calling you Dave it felt weird.

Maybe Rose is right.

Maybe you should talk to them about hormones.

It would be a shit ton of time and money, but you felt like maybe you did really need them.

Maybe you didn't?

You weren't sure.

You just know that periods are weird and you just want the next five days to go fuck themselves already.

You sigh a bit.

Yeah.

You need to talk with Bro and D about hormones.


	10. ==> Dave: Discuss hormones with your brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave asks  
> D panics a bit  
> And then Dave is struck with the cruelity of having to wait four months before he can

It takes two weeks for you to say something to D.

You ask him if you two can talk and you guys sit on his bed and everything.

Then you back the fuck out and say never mind and just leave.

It takes another week then you ask Bro.

You guys sit on his bed and you start to say something...

Before backing the fuck out again.

Honestly you haven't a single clue why its so hard to say something and ask them.

So instead here you are.

Talking to John about it.

"I think you should just ask them Dave! I've been on it for a little while and its not that bad..."

"That explains your dorky voice cracks."

"Shut up Dave."

"But really I mean... How do I even ask? Do I just walk up and be like 'yo bro I wanna go on hormones'?"

"Of course not!"

"Then how the hell am I-." You get cut off by a knock on Johns door.

"David your brother is here."

You groan a bit. You would've liked to talk to John about this longer but you just sigh and stand up. Gathering your things.

You and John beforehand had been studying.

You grab your bag and John forces you into a hug before you leave.

It had gotten dark thus why D came to pick you up.

You fidget nervously in the passengers seat.

"Hey um D... Is Dirk home?"

"No, Dirk went to one of his friends house. Roxy I think." You nod a bit.

"Then um..." Why the hell are you so nervous about this?

"What is it?"

"I need to talk with you and Bro when we get home then..."

You don't turn to face him but out of the corner of your eye you see him nod.

You stay silent the rest of the ride.

Once you two get back you toss your backpack in your room.

Sitting on the couch while D gets Bro you start to rethink it.

Maybe you should wait until you're older?

You honestly haven't got a clue.

Soon Bro is sitting next to you and D next to him.

You shift a bit so you sit facing them.

"Alright. You've been nervous the last few weeks and you've come to both of us wanting to talk then said never mind and left. What's up?" Bro starts.

You start fidgeting again.

"Well um... I kinda... I think I wanna... I think I wanna go on hormones." You look down at your lap as you speak, not looking up when you were done.

After a bit of a silence Bro speaks up.

"Are you sure little man?"

"I don't like the idea of shots once a week but yeah... I think I am..."

D is still silent.

"... We'll look into it alright..." Bro ruffles your hair and you grumble a bit as you fix it.

"Hold on a minute." D finally says.

"Yeah D?"

"Alright... I'm okay with calling you Dave and he and all that... But Dave are you totally sure about this?"

"Yes D... I've never been so sure about something other then my gender in my life..."

"Dave there's gonna be a lot of work to do this."

"I-I know..."

"Dave. Are you sure?"

"Yes D! I am sure I want to fully go through with this!" He sighs.

You can tell it's not because he doesn't want you to be who you are or because he doesn't want you to be happy.

He's worried.

"I'll be fine... I mean... There are some risks but... I'll be fine I promise..."

"Dave you have a whole life ahead of you and if this hurts you now who knows if you'll get to live that life."

"I will get to live it D. I'll just get to live it as I'm supposed to live it with this..."

"Alright... Me and Bro'll talk about it... Look into it..." You nod and hug them both because you can't think of anything else to do.

"Thanks... I love you both so much and I'm so thankful for you two and I don't say it enough and... Just... Thank you..."

"Even if you don't say it we still know kiddo." Bro ruffled your hair once you pulled back. "Now I'm gonna go back to what I was doing." You nod and he walked off.

Leaving you with D.

"Dave..."

"I'm sure D. This is what I want... This is what I need..."

"Dave I just want you safe."

"I will be safe... John... Johns on it... He says he's been on it for a few months..."

"Is that why you want it?"

"What? No... No no I've... I've been thinking about it long before I knew John... I just never said anything...."

"Alright... Just... Promise me if you have a single side affect you'll say something to me or Bro so we can make sure you're okay."

"Promise."

"Alright..."

Somehow you two end up cuddling in a totally ironic way and watching dumb movies until you fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Another week later you go into some doctor place D and Bro found.

They tell you that before they can even think about it you have to take therapy.

Sixteen sessions of therapy.

Thats four months.

Four months.

You don't think you can wait that long but you agree to it anyway.

You don't want to go to therapy.

You don't think you need to go to therapy.

You know who you are and what you want.

But you guess some people can't have what they want when they want it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random kinda ish filler chapter  
> Its 2AM  
> I was laying in bed and my brain was like  
> Hey let's make you think of what to write for that next chapter instead of working on your other stories  
> Yep  
> So  
> This is here  
> Tell me of spelling errors and I shall fix them


	11. ==> Dave: Go to therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to quickly note I have never been to therapy and I guess due to the whole not allowed to tell about what goes on I was not able to find anything to help me figure out what it's really like so I'm sorry if this is not the most correct thing with it but thats what I could kinda gather from the like twenty articles I read about it

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you are about to kill JOHN EGBERT.

"John you son of a bitch!"

"Hey don't insult my mother!"

"John!"

"Okay so what if I gave you a cupcake that was actually sponge does it matter?"

"Yes it does! It was soapy John!"

"Stop complaining!"

"I will not stop complaining that was so fucking gross!"

"Hehe."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Screw you."

"Nope."

"John."

"No."

"Okay whatever I'm leaving. Forget this fucking project."

"Daaaaave."

"Nope. See ya Egbert."

"You can pull a prank on me!"

"If you see it coming it's not a prank."

"Come on we have to get this done!"

"Should've thought about that before pranking me."

"Daavve please we're gonna fail!"

"... Fine."

You sigh, sitting your bag down again. You were gonna get him back though.

Probably.

* * *

 

"Hey Rose!" You head after her quickly, school had just gotten out and you wanted to talk to her.

"What is it?" She smirked. "Are you having another accident?"

"Rose shut up."

"Kay then. But really what do you need?"

"Well... I talked to my brothers and all that but I have to go to therapy first... Like, four months of it."

"Well I'm sure there's a good reason for it."

"Well what I wanted to ask you about was well, do you have any idea what it's like?"

"What what is like? Therapy? Really not much, you sit and talk, about your feelings your worries. It's kinda like a friend who's only there to listen I guess."

"So a paid friend wow."

"No more like... A paid listener. They're supposed to listen and help, they aren't gonna fix your problems."

"I don't have any problems to talk about."

"Sure you don't. What about how you feel? About your body I mean."

"Wow what a nice way to put it."

"I'm just trying to help."

"Well if you would like to help more why don't you come over?"

"Hm... Why not."

You rolled your eyes behind your shades.

"Just keep walking then."

You two were already almost half way to the apartment.

"Very well. But really Dave that's a good place to start, I'm sure you have many problems, most of them just don't surface."

"Sure I do."

"You do."

"Whatever you say Lalonde."

"I can pretend to be a therapist for you Dave, to get you comfortable."

"Nah I don't think I should dump whatever problems I apparently have on you."

"Very well."

You two continue walking, soon you two were flopping on your bed. 

"Why are you so worried?" Rose asked, turning her head to you.

"I... Guess because I've never really talked to anyone about my 'problems' before." You made air quotes around problems.

"Well maybe its about that you do anyway."

"Guess so..."

"Don't be so worried. It shouldn't be too bad and they aren't allowed to force you to talk."

"I guess that helps a bit."

"See." She gave you a small smile.

"Honestly Dave, don't worry so much." She reached over and took your hand with a chuckle, probably trying to comfort you.

"Why don't we do something? Other then just lay here."

"Whatever you want." You shrug. "I mean, you are my guest." She chuckled again.

With that you two ended up playing video games until Rose's older sister called her flipping out about her, one: being with a boy and two: not coming home. She sighed and quickly told her she'd be on her way.

With that she left, and not even two minutes later Dirk was sitting next to you.

"Why was Roxy's sister here?"

"...Because she's one of my friends."

"Oh." You just kinda nod and flop back on the floor.

"I wasn't aware they were related." Dirk shrugged.

"I wasn't aware she was one of your friends." You shrug this time.

"Oh right, I came in here to ask what you wanted for dinner since Bro wants to know." You shrug again.

"I don't really care, just not pizza."

"'Kay then."

You listen as he walks away.

You're too nervous to really care about what you eat.

Talking to people has never been your forte, and epically when it's someone you don't know.

You honestly want to back out of it but you can't, not now.

* * *

 

You're confused beyond belief.

You're sitting on a small couch.

At least you aren't having to lay down.

You do consider it though but decide not to.

You glance at the girl again.

Almost as if she can read your mind she speaks up.

"I see you aren't gonna talk first. So I guess I will. My names Faith and I'll be your therapist for the next few months."

You nod a bit.

"Dave... And I'm honestly confused about this."

"About what?"

"Just this thing..."

"It's simple. We're here to talk about you. You talk, I listen."

"So you're a paid best friend."

"To be honest with you, yes."

You sigh as she shifts and crosses her legs.

You take your chance to look her over a bit.

She has blue hair, the sides are buzz cut and brown. Whats left is in the center and hanging down a bit.

She doesn't look like a therapist.

The only thing that does look like one is her outfit which you guess she has to wear or something.

"So mister Strider."

"Just call me Dave..."

"Right. Dave, you wanna talk about anything? Maybe how you feel about your body?"

"Yeah sure..."

You shrug, hands laying in your lap. You admit you are sitting like a girl but you don't mind since you're pretty nervous and are just doing it subconciously.

 "Weird... Trapped..."

"What do you mean by trapped?" She asked, scribbling on her note pad.

"Just as it says, trapped. Forced into things... By default I'm expected to wear dresses and do my make up and have long hair and that stuff... It's like the default settings on a computer... Everyone expects you to have it and use it... But when you don't they look at you weird and think you're some kind of weirdo.."

Faith nods a bit, writing down more stuff.

"And what do you think about gender roles?" She asked after a bit.

"Man. Fuck them..." You shake your head slightly. "Who says a guy can't draw? Who says they can't dance and play with dolls? If they do people instantly say that they're gay... Same with girls too. I don't see a single fucking point in them when its just stuff for fun... People not letting their kids play with dolls because they think they'll turn out gay or something is so fucking stupid... People need to grow up... And that's something that no one should have to be told off for liking. Gender roles shouldn't even be a thing." You sigh a bit as you lean back.

She nods again.

"So anything else you wanna talk about with your body and such?"

"Not really." You say.

 

* * *

 

 

Faith forced you to talk more and you really didn't enjoy that.

Honestly therapy didn't help you with anything at all.

You still don't even see the point in it, all you do is talk about random shit and it really doesn't make you feel any better.

You really honestly feel worse.

You just dropped all of your problems on someone.

You don't do that often and it makes you feel bad doing it.

You don't want to drop your problems on anyone else for a while.

You think maybe just spending time with Dirk might calm you down a bit.

So right when you get home you drop your bag in your room (you had gone right after school) and then walk to Dirk's room.

He's currently laying on his bed and typing away on his laptop.

"Yo Dirk?"

He hums in response.

"Can we hang out, watch some movies or something?"

"That's nice." He replies.

He's not paying attention.

"Dirk."

"What?"

"Can we hang out."

"Sounds great."

"Dirk!" You snap at him, this time he doesn't say anything.

Honestly you don't know why you're so pissed about it but you walk over, grab his laptop and toss it across the room.

"Dave what the fuck?" He asks, standing up and facing you.

You can feel the tears in your eyes as you snap.

"Dirk I really fucking need you right now and you just ignore me?!"

"I was talking to someone!"

"Is that someone more important then your twin brother?!"

"Dave..." It isn't until then that you realize the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Don't touch me." You slap his hand away when he went to put it on your shoulder.

"Dave-."

"No. No." You shake your head and slowly turn to walk away. "Forget it Dirk."

You walk back to your room and just flop face first on your bed.

You just needed your brother for a few hours but no.

No he can't be bothered with you.

You wonder why anyone ever bothers with you.

You're just some big fucked up freak.

You feel someone sitting next to you and rubbing your back and soon Dirks arms wrap around you.

"I'm sorry." He says after a while.

"It's fine... I... Just needed you.." You mutter.

"I know... And I shouldn't have ignored you..." You nod and he sighs a bit, pulling you closer.

You two lay there for hours and soon fall asleep together.

 

 


	12. ==> Dave: Get ice cream with John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muhahahahahahahahahahaha  
> some shit goes down in this chapter  
> gET THE TISSUSES FRIENDS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeyup  
> This is happening  
> Yep  
> have fun
> 
> Also a good song to listen to this would be Sleep/Feverdreamless  
> Mobile users you guys can listen to it here http://jasoniscariot.bandcamp.com/track/sleep-feverdreamless  
> And if you aren't on mobile you can use YouTube unless you wanna use that  
> Just press play  
> Bye now

You smile a bit as you sit on the cold bench with John.

It's still cold as hell but you and John decided to get ice cream after school.

And that's where you two are, sitting and eating ice cream.

Of course John's bland and got vanilla, however you got strawberry, because strawberry is totally ironic.

"You should tell me a story." John said after a minute of you two sitting there.

"Like what?" You ask.

"I dunno just a story." He shrugs.

"Made up or about me?"

"Either." You shrug a bit.

"Alright. So this one time, tiny baby me crawled into the fridge when Bro opened it, he had no idea and locked me in the fridge. I was apparently in there for like an hour and had some burns but I was otherwise okay I guess." You shrug as he laughs.

"Wow Dave good job."

"Hey I was only a few months old!"

"Still!"

You just shrug and look at him.

Your eyes travel to his lips and you see some of his plain, boring vanilla ice cream on them.

And you can't help yourself as you slowly lean in to kiss him softly.

He jerks back instantly and stares at you as if you were insane.

"I-I need to go." He stuttered out, grabbing his bag and running off quickly without even so much as a bye.

You just stare after him, mouth open slightly.

 What the fuck did you just do?

You just slowly stand up, having no reason to be in the cold anymore as you slowly walk back to the apartment.

 

* * *

 

You toss your bag into your room and then flop onto your bed, burying your face into your pillow. You wonder why John ran off.

Honestly you know it had to be so weird, having your best friend suddenly kissing you.

You sigh out, you knew it was a bad idea, you knew you just should've kept to yourself.

God you wish you had now.

You sigh out, pressing your face more into your pillow as you let out a loud groan.

 You just kinda lay there with your face stuffed into your pillow for a while before you fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

You catch up to John the next day at school, grabbing his sleeve slightly to try and get him to stop so you can talk to him.

"Hey John can we talk about-." He yanks his hand away and walks off, not even letting you finish your sentence.

You stare after him, because he's never done something like that, he's always one of the nicest people so why would he act like that.

You shake your head slightly, he must've had a bad night or something. Surely he'll talk to you tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

You catch up to John once again the next day, doing the same thing of yanking slightly on his sleeve.

He doesn't turn and tries to keep walking.

"John... Hello are you in there?" You raise an eyebrow over your shades and he just pulls his hand away and keeps walking.

This was because of you.

He's ignoring you now.

You take a deep breath and resist the urge to run as you follow after him, not for him though, for class.

You'll try again tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

You toss your bag into your room and flop onto your bed.

Your mind is wondering.

Back to cutting, binding your chest so tight you couldn't breath some times, taking the pills.

You suck in a breath, squeezing the bed.

You hadn't thought about any of it since the move.

You honestly hadn't.

And now here you were, squeezing your bed sheets and thinking about getting out your good 'ol razor again.

You grab your phone and headphones, quickly shoving the headphones on your head and plugging them in, blasting music in your ears.

You aren't gonna relapse, you've done so good the past three or so months.

You aren't gonna do it.

 

* * *

 

You catch up with John once more, this time by catching the back of his T-shirt.

"John can we please talk? I really need to talk to you... I'm-." You get cut off once again as John wiggles free and runs again.

You're starting to lose hope in ever getting him back as a friend.

You've trusted him with most of your life.

Told him things about you no one knows.

And its killing you that he's doing this.

 

You spend lunch out in the hall, you had the last few days.

Rose and Jade were friends with John before you, you have no right to take them from him.

So you sit in the hall, by yourself against the wall.

Your mind starts to wonder to cutting again and it makes you sick so you sit your food aside, pulling at your sleeves.

You lift them up and start tracing the scars, doing them in small cutting motions. Your breath hitches as you move over one you very vividly remember cutting into your skin.

You had just gotten home, some kids continued to tell you to go kill yourself over and over.

You can still hear their voices saying it now that you think about it.

You push yourself up, throwing away the last of your food and then walk to the bathroom. You stand in front of he window, staring at yourself. You point out every flaw to yourself.

Your face is too round, too soft.

_Too feminine._

Your eyes too soft. You feel they are more girly then the rest of your face.

You aren't passing.

You know for a fact you aren't.

You can't be,

not when you look like this.

You shove away from the sink and walk away, keeping your head down.

You head to you next class silently.

 

* * *

 

 

You head home and head to your room.

You don't stop to say hi to Dirk or Bro. 

You haven't really talked to them in the few days.

Bro calls after you when you enter your room though. "Dave you've got therapy next Tuesday!"

You let out a sigh, flopping on your bed.

Therapy isn't gonna help with this problem.

You feel like its not gonna help at all.

But if you want to be able to pass you have to do it.

You curl up in bed, pulling the blankets around you in a cocoon.

You lay there, head against the pillow, surrounded by warmth.

You want that warmth to be John though.

You want to cuddle him like you did when he came over and spent the night.

You want more nights like that; quiet, fun, relaxing and overall something you two needed.

You sigh, looking down.

You don't know how long you lay there but you know dinners long gone and everyones gone to bed.

You carefully unwarp yourself and head to the bathroom quietly. You open the door and slip in, grabbing your razor instantly.

You stare down at it for a moment before rolling up your sleeve and laying it on the sink counter.

You watch as the cool blade cuts into your skin, you watch the blood come out in tiny balls and collect together. You watch,

and then cut again.

Watching yet again as it starts to bleed.

You keep cutting and watching for quite a while before quietly cleaning the cuts and bandaging them.

You'll only have them bandaged for tonight.

You'll unwrap them in the morning before school.

 You quietly walk back to your room, laying down and curling up.

* * *

 

The next morning you sit up quietly.

You hadn't slept at all, you tiredly rub your eyes and slip on your shades.

You get up and start getting dressed.

Afterwards you look at yourself in the mirror, staring at your race again before shaking your head, grabbing your bag. You had already taken off the bandages and the cuts burned like all hell, as you expected.

You head to school, your head pounding from your lack of sleep. You don't bother with John today, too tired to deal as you headed to class.

 

All through class you dozed. It was hard to stay awake but you somehow managed.

In all your classes you dozed.

When lunch came instead of eating you leaned against the wall in the hall and tried to sleep.

You managed to doze just a tad bit before the bell rang.

At the end of the day you headed home quietly.

Head down as you walked.

Once you got home you put your bag in your room and curled up in bed again.

You wait until late at night again to sneak into the bathroom and cut again.

The blade sinking into your skin calms you in a way.

It makes you feel better.

The pain helps you more then you can imagine.

You let out a small blissful like sigh as you make more cuts then the night before and then wrap them up again before going to your room.

You didn't sleep again.

 

* * *

 

 The next day you make your way to John again this time.

You carefully grab at his shirt. 

"Listen. I know you're ignoring me and all but-." He speaks this time.

He cuts you off.

"Fuck off Dave!" He shouted, whirling around to face you. "Just leave me the fuck alone I don't want to see you anymore get it through your fucking head!"

Your heart breaks right then and there, your eyes sting and your mouth opens but your brain can't find the right words to speak.

 He turns and starts off to class again.

And you don't have the heart to follow him. You turn around and walk to the bathroom, locking yourself in a stall and leaning against the door.

Your hands are shaking and your sobs are stuck in your throat as the tears fall down your cheeks.

You want nothing more then to go home but you can't.

Not yet.

You stay in there the whole class though, wiping the tears from your face before heading to your next class.

 

* * *

 

 

When you get home you feel like nothing could be worse.

Your best friend hates you, he doesn't want to be your friend anymore, he doesn't want to see you.

And its all your fault.

Before youyou can enter your room a hand lays it self on your shoulder.

"'Lil man you okay?" Bro asked, turning you around to face him. You nod.

"Yeah I'm fine." You shrug. "Why are you asking?"

"Because you've been locking yourself in your room and pacing at night again."

Oh. He's heard you.

Wait,

again?

So he knew before, when you were so worried about them finding out about you and kicking you out.

"I'm fine just stressed with school..."

"Maybe you should hang out with John some then?" He ruffled your hair as he said it, but that didn't help the sting in your chest as you just nod.

"Yeah... I'll ask him tomorrow." Bro nods.

"Well I've got to go run and pick up some things, D's getting groceries right now and Dirks at Roxy's again. You think you'll be okay by yourself for a bit?" You nod.

"Yeah I got some homework to do so I'll be good." He nods again and ruffles your hair before leaving.

You toss your bag in your room and head to the bathroom.

You take a deep breath as you pull your shirt off, staring at the cuts on your arm, your feminine face and eyes.

You close your eyes and then take your binder off, staring at yourself again.

This isn't you.

You aren't you.

And you never will be you.

You won't ever be able to say you are because you aren't.

You close your eyes and feel the tears stream down your cheeks and you let yourself sob.

After a moment you wipe your eyes and start running water into he bathtub.

Your hands shake as you do and you close your eyes again, listening to the water fill up the tub.

You strip off he rest of your clothes and sink into the water.

You stare down, another reason you can't be you. You look away, your eyes are still red and puffy from crying.

You wipe them as you grab your razor, your hands shake.

You cut, all over. Your stomach, thighs, arms, legs and just anywhere you can.

The water in the bathtub turns red as your vision blurs and you pass out, head slipping under the water.

* * *

 

**== > Dirk: get home**

 

You stretch and yawn a bit as you step inside, Bros gone, you can tell, and you know Bro is so you call out for Dave.

"Dave! Are you home?!" You hear a slight thump in the bathroom and smirk.

"Don't tell me I scared you that much!" You call, dropping your bag in your room and knocking on the door to the bathroom, instead of it just thumping it opens and your eyes widen behind your shades.

Every trace of joking is gone as you rush over, pulling Dave's head out from under the water.

"Dave! Dave fuck come on wake up!" You pull him out of the bathtub and see cuts, cuts everywhere.

"Dave please!" You call, you fumble, pressing two fingers to his neck, its faint, but you feel the heart beat. You yank your phone out of your pocket, dialing 911 and sticking your phone between your shoulder and ear as you try your best at CPR to keep him there.

"Come on Dave please don't do this!" You feel tears streaming down your cheeks and you press against his chest.

"911 was your emergency?" A voice answers.

"My brother, I need an ambulance as soon as possible." You speak fast, the address falling out of your mouth before you hang up, you stop pushing at his chest, pulling him close to yours and hoping he'll be okay.

You hold him close as you call D, he answers almost instantly.

"Hey Dirk, are you home yet? I'll be there Ina bout ten minutes." He answers before you can speak.

"D you need to hurry now!" You can hear the car speed up as he replies.

"Why what's wrong, what happened?!" His voice is panicked.

"Dave." It speeds up again. "Dave tried to kill himself again... I've already called an ambulance I just... You need to get here soon please." He speeds up again and you have no doubt he's going faster faster then he should. You look down at Dave again, voice shaking as you speak. "Please hurry." You pull Dave closer.

"I'm almost there Dirk hold on, I promise we aren't gonna lose him, we aren't gonna lose him okay Dirk?" You can tell he's not only comforting you but himself as well.

He's there not to long after and as he rushes to the bathroom you can hear the sirens.

You're still crying and holding Dave by that time and by the streaks on D's cheeks he had too.

He picks Dave up and wraps him in a towel as he rushes out, you, despite being soaked quickly follow after.

You hope he's okay, you hope you made it in time to save him. But that's all you can do.

Hope.

* * *

**== > Dave: wake up**

 

Your eyes open after some fight, they feel like they were stuck together.

Everything feels okay until you remember what happened, Johns words, what you did.

You shake, you should be dead.

Why?

Why does someone always save you?!

Without thought you curl up in a ball and start sobbing, shaking all over as you do.

You feel someone shift but don't care, it's probably Bro or Dirk.

"I'm sorry Dave.. I didn't mean any of it..." You hear him choke on his words, John.

And he's crying, and so are you.

"I didn't mean it I swear I... I was just confused... And... And I'm okay now... I'm... I'm not confused I understand it... I'm sorry... Please don't do this again... Don't ever do it again please..."

You glance up, roll over to where he is.

And open your arms, there are wires and you two move them around so John can lay next to you.

You curl up to him, pressing your face into his chest, you feel his sobs and you sob against his chest as you lay with him.

"I thought I lost you Dave... Your brothers wouldn't let me in at first... They finally did after a while though... Dirks in the cafeteria... With Bro and D... They forced him to go eat... He hasn't left your side." You nod a bit, that's typical Dirk, that's the Dirk you know.

"They should be back soon if you were wondering..." You nod again and curl closer to John, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close.

"I love you Dave..." He mutters.

"I love you too John..." Your voice is horse but you couldn't just nod to that.

You feel him smile as he let's you nuzzle into him again and soon doze off.

Everything felt right.

For now at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also in case anyone was wondering I've kinda narrowed down the month and as of now in the story it is march
> 
> (whispers)  
> i have no idea what im doing with this story after this  
> besides johns birthday next chapter (whisper)  
> O3O


	13. ==>John: Turn fifteen (part one)

You wake up with Daves leg lazily thrown over your hip as you lean back into him. After he tried to kill himself about two weeks ago you've tried to hang out with him as much as possible, sleep overs added, which is how you ended up here.

You don't know if you guys are dating or not, you two share small 'I love you's' but you haven't kissed or settled anything about it.

You sigh. Everything is blurry without your glasses but you really don't wanna wake up right now, it feels way too early to be awake. After half an hour you give up, sitting up (with a groan of protest from Dave) you reach over and grab your phone and glasses, sinking back down you rub your eyes and slip your glasses on.

You then lift your phone up, checking the time, seven-thirty. You groan, its much to early to be awake, but something else catches your eye, the date.

April thirteenth.

Your birthday.

You smile brightly and shake Dave lightly, being careful since some of his cuts still haven't healed up yet.

He grumbles something about more sleep and rolls away from you.

You lay on top of him this time. "Dave wake up!" You whine, poking his cheeks. Dave groans and tries to shove you off,

"No. Sleep is needed to function and I have not had enough sleep to do that yet." Dave mumbles, pushing you off and shoving you away again.

You whine again. "Daaaaaaveeeee it's my birthday come ooooonnnn!" You start to shake him again and he peeks one eye open again.

"Dude. Why didn't you tell me this."

"Because!"

"Well shit dude.... I've got therapy later... After that we can go do something okay?" You nod happily.

"Of course! We don't have to do anything though you know. We can just hang out like any other day."

"Nah man it's your birthday. Let a man treat his man alright?" The sentence was odd to say the least but you expected it from Dave so you just nod.

"Alright fiiiiiine." You smile at him and he smiles back at you, nudging you slightly and then laying back down.

"But really let's get a bit more sleep before we go about doing things for your birthday alright?" He kisses your cheek and lays back down with you and you nod, taking your glasses off and sitting them with his shades.

"Love you Dave." You feel him smiling against your neck.

"I love you too John." He pressed a small kiss to your neck.

You turned over to face him and pressed a small kiss to his lips. He kissed back almost instantly.

You two share a sloppy morning kiss for a moment and then pull back, too tired to continue the kiss.

You two then lay back and fall back to sleep.

  

* * *

 

 Dave shakes you awake later.

"Hey come on... You gotta get up so we can eat and Bro can drop you off at your place before I head off to therapy..." You nod sleepily and dit up with a yawn. You stretch out.

Dave soon is standing and you follow after. You two go to find some cereal to eat for some sort of breakfast.

And then you're off, you get dropped off at home and Dave's off to therapy.

You head inside and am bombarded with the smell of cakes. You sigh.

You have a feeling its going to be a long, long day.

 

**== >John: be the boy at therapy**

 

You are now Dave, sitting in your chair at therapy with Faith.

When she comes in she sits in front of you, legs crossed. 

"So. Your brothers told me of what happened and why you haven't been here he past few weeks." The fact that you couldn't come pushed back you time of actually being able to get your hormones which really sucked but you guess its your fault after all.

"Yeah." You mutter, looking away.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Well David this what I'm here for." She spoke softly.

"Wow you are such a cheesy little fuck." You snark back to her, not really in the mode for psychoanalyzing from her.

"Are you saying I'm a Cheez-it, because Cheez-its are cheesy and little? Minus the fuck part because they are non-living objects made by man. So I suppose they do fuck very little." She snarks back to you.

You stare for a moment before actually busting into laughter. After a bit you finally calm down,

and start talking to Faith.

You still here dropping your problems on other people but John will distract you after this when you go take him some where.

* * *

After therapy on the walk to Johns you think about what you two should do and decide on a small little picnic in the park. Nothing too fancy.

You really just hope he likes being there.

And your little idea. You sigh a bit and walk up his porch before knocking on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason this will be in two parts is because its been almost a month and it would be longer if I didn't just go ahead and split the chapter.  
> This is shit and I am so so so sorry I've just had horrible writers block and just  
> Hnnnnnng
> 
> Also the chez-it thing is something my morail said and I just  
> had to use it.


	14. ==>John: turn fifteen (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I just wanted to quickly state some things.  
> This story will be ending by the end of this month!(maybe. Depends on if I can actually write)  
> So far all the chapters I have planned are:  
> 1-Johns birthday (part two) (this chapter)  
> 2- le end  
> 3- epilogue  
> I've had so much fun writting this and I hope you all stick around to read other stories of mine  
> I'm actually working on one for after this with a quite *ahem* exotic ship to say the least

You hear a knock at the door and assume its Dave, you rush to the door. Dave stands, hands in his pockets with the faintest of a smile on his lips and you give him a huge one back.

"Ready to go John?" He asked, smile dropping into a usual poker face. You nod.

"Yep!" You call to Dad that you were heading out with Dave and he just replied with a 'Have fun kids!' and then you and Dave left.

Dave held your hand, swinging it like a little kid as you two walked down the sidewalk. You two walked quietly for a little while before you spoke up.

"So where are we going?" You ask him.

"We're going to go buy sandwhich stuff and drinks then we will have a picnic at the park." You chuckle a bit and nod.

"Sounds good to me." You two start walking to the closest Walmart.

When you two got there you both ran in, laughing and shoving each other before grabbing a basket thing and starting to walk around, while still nudging each other with you shoulders of course.

You two grabbed some obvious things (bread, ham and condiments) before you two started to just walk around being a bunch of dweebs.

Dave started walking into the kiddie craft section, you laughed and nudged him. "Why are we here?" You ask.

"Because I wanna color." Dave said.

"Like... In a coloring book?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow. The blonde in front of you nodded.

"Yep. Like in a coloring book." He said, grabbing one of the giant things of crayons and putting it in the basket, you chuckle at him as he takes you hand, walking off to the books (you always wonder why they keep the coloring books there but you guess it kinda saves space or something).

He digs through them for a minutes before pulling out two, one Disney and one My Little Pony. You roll your eyes as he puts them in the basket as well before you two just start walking around again.

You two some how end up in the party section and as you two are walking down the aisle when you notice a pack of fake mustaches, you grab them and look at Dave with this 'please please please I will love you forever' look. He chuckles and nods and you fist bump the air before dropping them in the basket.

You two walk around for a little bit more, grabbing a blanket to sit/lay on, before deciding there is nothing else to do or get and going to check out.

After all that you two headed to the closest park. You two found a seat under a tree and lay out the blanket. You two plop down and start pulling shit out of the few Walmart bags.

After pulling out stuff and you two making sandwiches and eating and all that you two start to color in the kiddie coloring books. You fish out the fake mustaches too, pealing one off and making Dave turn to you so you can stick it on before you out yours on.

He grabs his phone and puts it on the front camera, you two make stupid faces and take a picture or two, Dave sends them to you and you send them to Jane just for shits and giggles with the caption 'having more fun then you :)'

You and Dave put the stuff back in bags and lay back on the blanket, Dave takes his jacket off and lays it across you two and you smile, cuddling up to him. You guys talk about nonsense for a while before he speaks up about something.

"Hey John?" He asked, his voice is kinda quiet, more so then normal.

"Yeah Dave?" You ask, starting to fall asleep.

"When I die. I don't want a funeral." You open your eyes ad look at him, he's gazing up at the stars that have started to come out. "People say its for the dead but its more for the living. Like its just so people can think its good and that all grudges they had against the person are gone." You nod a bit to that.

"Yeah you're right I guess..." You say. "I'll try I promise... But if I'm not in control and can't do anything..."

"Try to..."  You nod to that, knowing this had to mean a lot to him, otherwise he probably wouldn't have told you about it.

You two lay there for a while, just staring up at the stars for a while before you start to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

You wake up the next morning with Dave's arms around you. Your back is stiff from sleeping on the ground, but you're happy.

After a minute of groggily laying there you sit up, shaking Dave awake. He probably needs to take his binder off so he can breathe so you wanna try and get him home as soon as you can. "Dave. Dave wake up." He groans and rolls away. "Dave you gotta get up we need to go home." He groaned again.

"I don't wannnna." He whined. You chuckle and shake him again. 

"Come on Dave." He groans yet again and finally sits up. "Fine fine I'm here. I'm awake." 

He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"Come on." You smile, getting up and helping him up. He popped his back with a sigh and grabbed the bags, rolling up the blanket up.

Dave pecked your lips lightly as you took one of the bags from him. "Come on." You nod and you two start to walk back to your house. Dave drops you off, pecking your lips again.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow." He said, pecking your lips yet again. You nod.

"Bye. I love you." He smiled.

"I love you too." You smiled and walked back inside the house, smiling wider as you leaned against the door.

That was the best birthday you have had in a long time.


	15. ===> Dave and Dirk: Turn sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GET THE TISSUES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okkkkay  
> I'm a horrible person  
> this is sad  
> i warn you  
> im writting this after ive finished and im baw ling  
> like save me holy fu ck  
> dont ready this around family/friends unless theyre used to you randomly crying at things on your phone/laptop  
> siiigh  
> i hope you enjoy this guys

You toss your blankets off yourself with a groan as you sit up, glancing around the room of yours.

You find yourself feeling as if you've forgotten something.

Maybe you've got T shots today?

You've thankfully been on your testosterone for a few months now, sure shots once a week aren't fun and yea, you're gonna have to deal with them for the rest of your life, but it's great finally being who you are.

Your jawline slowly got more and more square and it really boasted your confidence, your face also isn't as soft as it was before, it's more rough and you love it.

You've also started to grow facial hair and it's great. To you at least it is and you wear the scruff proudly.

But back on topic.

You feel as if you've forgotten something important.

Maybe you have?

You start to try and think of more things as you walk out of your room and head to the bathroom only to be tackled by the other twins of the family.

You glare up slightly at Seb and Hal who are beaming at you.

You remember them barley and are happy your douchebags of grandparents let the two 13 year olds over for their Christmas break.

But it's not Christmas break yet?

It's only the third...

Oh shit! It's you and Dirk's birthday!

The twins are laughing at your face which you can only assume is a mixture of an 'oh shit' face and surprise.

"Happy birthday dork!" Hal shouted, his ginger hair in your face as he bounced on your stomach.

You laughed at that, pushing him off of you along with Seb who didn't talk much. You ruffled both of their hair.

"Happy birthday Dave." Seb said quietly and you smiled, sitting up and smiling at them.

"Thanks guys." You smile at them.

"Now let me go shower alright." You ruffle their hair again, you were surprised they managed to come. Maybe they were nice enough and convinced them to let them come early for your birthday? Who knows.

You're just happy they're here. You haven't seen them in years.

You hop in and take a quick shower, quickly hurrying to your room to change afterwards and after you change into a hoodie and some jeans you rush to attack Dirk who was still asleep.

You jump onto his bed, attacking him basically.

You however failed and he shoved you off.

"Go away." He groaned, you jumped onto him again.

"Dirk! Come on we're sixteen we can drive now!" You were bouncing on him. "Get up!"

 "No." He simply said, shoving you down again.

You groan. "Come on Seb and Hal are here."

"Hal and Seb are here?" He shot up almost instantly and jumped up, you chuckle as you hear him run down the hall to tackle the twins.

You smile as you hear them squeaking as he does and you stand, brushing yourself off as you walk out, feeling proud that you managed to wake up Dirk earlier then ten o'clock.

You make your way down the hall yourself, ruffling your own wet hair as you hear the shower start, probably Dirk.

Once you step into the living room you see Seb and Hal on top of a sleeping Bro, trying to wake him, you roll your eyes behind your shades and head to the kitchen.

Dis pouring himself a cup of coffee when you walk in.

"Hey kiddo." He says, pouring an ungodly amount of creamer and sugar into the coffee before stirring it up and sipping at it. "Hows it feel to be sixteen huh?"

You chuckle, grabbing a mug and pouring yourself some coffee. "Nothing feels different D." You chuckle. "Other then my fucking voice." Your voice had cracked half way through the word 'different' which was really nothing new but it still made you and everyone else laugh some times.

"Hey your just becoming a man." That made you snort and roll your eyes as you sipped at the coffee before realizing you hadn't put anything in it and instantly turn and spit it in the sink.

"Fuck." You muttered. "Jesus Christ." You sigh, sitting the mug down and grabbing the creamer from the laughing D, pouring a nice amount into your coffee before actually drinking it this time.

"Instant karma." D said, smirking at you.

"Yeah okay whatever." You replied, sighing and sipping on your coffee.

Seb walked into the kitchen not to long after, looking up at you two. "Um..."He said quietly, he was always so awkward like this and it kinda worried you.

"May I have a drink please?" You give him a smile and ruffle his short, sliver-ish hair.

"'Course buddy." You grab a glass from the cabinet. "Whatcha want to drink kiddo?"

"Um... Waters fine." You nod and fill the glass up, handing it to him.

"There ya go." He beams up at you.

"Thanks Dave." He drank most of the drink before running off quickly to go try and wake up Bro more probably.

You smile a bit at the two bouncing on him.

After a little while he laughs and wraps his arms around the two and rolls over, pinning the two under him.

"You little shits!" He laughed, tickling them as they squirmed.

You smile a bit at that. After a while of you all kinda chilling out and stuff there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" You shouted, rushing to the door. You open it up and smile brightly when you see John and Jane. You hugged John tightly. "Hey." You smiled, pulling back to look at him.

He smiled widely at you. "Hey! Happy birthday!" He shoved a box into your hands. You chuckled a bit and took it, sitting it next to the door. 

"Come on in guys." You open the door wider and let them in. Jane instantly hugged Dirk and you smiled as she shoved a box into his hands as well.

 Jane hugged Dirk tightly with a huge smile.

"Is anyone else coming?" You asked John and he shrugged.

"Unless you invited them. Rose was saying something about her mom taking her somewhere since her birthdays tomorrow so she can't come but I think Jade is coming! Along with her cousin Jake." You nodded happily. 

"Alright that's cool." You give John a smile and hug him again happily. You placed your chin on his shoulder, holding him close.

John smiled, pressing his face to your neck.

 

* * *

 

Jane and Seb seemed to get along well and so did John and Hal, it was cute.

You and Dirk had both gone and got your license's after you guys dropped off Hal and Seb.

You were pretty excited that you managed to get it on the first try.

Bro and D decided that you guys should go out for a kinda birthday dinner, they let Dirk drive. ("I was born first." He had argued with you)

So now you guys sat in some restaurant, talking and laughing as you ate.

You were happy, happy with yourself, happy with John, happy with your family.

You don't think you've ever been happier then this.

You call getting to drive once you guys finish dinner (after an awkward singing of happy birthday and two slices of cake thanks to the waiters)

You hop into the drivers seat, Bro sitting next to you, you give him a small smile before starting to car, backing out of the parking lot.

You start driving down the road, heading back home happily.

About half way home you slammed on the brakes, a car going fast in front of you, your heart was racing and you shook your head, trying to calm down.

"Jesus-." You were cut off, the car was hit, flipping and rolling, you could hear screaming from Dirk, or maybe it was your own, glass was shattering and flying everywhere.

You smelt gas.

You were starting to hurt all over and you had no idea where the car was rolling.

It landed upside down and you let out a cry.

You struggled against the seat belt, your leg was twisted weirdly and no one was talking.

"Bro? D?" You ask weakly. No one replies.

You try to move and let out a loud cry of pain, falling back into the seat. You close your eyes, why were you so sleepy?

Maybe a nap would be...

No! You have to find away out of this metal death trap.

You try to move your leg again and this time you feel a pop and you let out a loud scream.

Yep, probably either an out of socket bone or a broken keg.

You can feel blood roll down your cheek and you raise your hand to it.

Fuck.

When did you start bleeding?

Wait. Where are you?

Why are you bleeding?

What's... What's wrong with your leg.

Oh god.

You pass out.

* * *

  **== > Dave: Be Dirk's concerned friend**

You are now Jane and you are so very worried about your friend Dirk.

You and John had both been called about the car crash (according to Dad they call the most called people on the phone if they can't find a mom or dad)

"What do you mean we can't see them?!" You put your hand on Johns shoulder, trying to calm the worried boy.

"Sir you aren't family. I can't let you in." The man at the desk said.

"Sir they don't have any other family." You said softly.

"Ahem." You hear from behind you. You turn to face an old couple, the lady had her arms crossed and the man looked as if he didn't even want to be there.

You noticed Seb and Hal. Seb had a hoodie on and the hood pulled over his head, it had little bunny ears on it but the hoodie overall looked pretty beat up.

He was looking down at the floor.

Hal looked wide awake, same clothes as eariler on, he looked worried as all hell..

When the two noticed you there was a synced shout of, "Jane!"

"John!" As the two ran towards you two.

Hal hugged John tightly and Seb hugged you, clinging tightly to you, you bent down and wrapped your arms around him.

He started to cry and it seemed like he hadn't cried in a while as he did, holding you tightly and crying in your arms, you let him cry.

"Seb don't be so weak." The older man spat, you felt Seb tense and try to stop but you rubbed his back and let him cry.

"Hey hush up sir!" You said. "He should be able to cry over his brother!" You stood up, holding the teen against you, he felt light, too light for a thirteen year old.

"You aren't his parent." The woman growled and Seb whimpered against your shoulder, you just held him closer.

John had backed away a bit, holding Hal who seemed to be not crying but on the verge of tears.

 "I may not be his parent but I know what abuse looks like!" You shouted a bit, standing and picking up Seb, holding him close and backing up.

"I'm not an idiot..." You held him close.

You can almost hear the smirk in Johns voice as he speaks. "You know. My friends older sister is a cop."

You see the ladies eyes widen.

She scowls again before turning away and going to the desk, talking with the person before walking away.

John set down Hal and he came to you, holding onto your waist. You sigh a bit and put your hand on his back.

"They bully him for being so childish..." Hal muttered. "And on me for..." He shook his head and held onto you tighter.

You rub his back. "It's okay Hal... No matter what they are doing it for... There's nothing wrong with you for it." He nods and you smile a bit.

You move to one of the seats in the waiting room, holding the twins, John sat next to you with a sigh, rubbing his face.

Hours passed and you two heard nothing about any of the Striders until someone walked over to you two.

"You are the four here for the Striders right?" The lady asked and you nodded. Seb had fallen asleep in your lap.

"I'm sorry to inform you but... Dustin Strider and Broderrick Strider didn't make it." John glances to you.

"And Dave?" John asked.

"Who?"

"Dove." John said.

"And Dirk." You add.

"We've got Dove stable, Dirk is still in surgery, we won't know about him until he gets out." You nod and pull Seb closer.

"Alright... Thank you ma'am." She just nods and walks away.

"A-are Dave and Dirk gonna die?" You hear Hals broken voice ask quietly.

"We don't know sweetie... But they're both strong okay? They can make it through this okay?" Hal nods and curls up in the seat.

John slips his jacket off and lays it over Hal.

You notice he falls asleep soon after that, the poor soul.

After quite a few hours, your phone says it's only ten but it feels like two am, the lady comes back.

"Dirk is stable, he's alive and should be awake soon... You two aren't family but I can let you in to see him if you want."

"Please." You say, sighing a bit. She nodded.

"I'll be back later then.."

You and John start to Doze after another hour before the lady comes back again, you stand up, holding Seb. John picks up Hal and you two follow her.

She takes you two back to a room, white like every other part of the hospital.

Dirk is laying in the bed in the center, he was connected to machines and was asleep.

You laid Seb next to him and then sat next to him.

"Come on Dirk..." You mutter. "You can make it... You can come back... You're strong I know you can..." You sigh a bit.

"Please Dirk." A tiny voice says, it was Seb, curled up to Dirks side.

John gave you guys a small smile.

"I'm gonna go find Dave okay?" He said, laying Hal next to Dirk. "I'll be back."

You nod and let him go.

 

**== > Jane: Be John**

 

You mindlessly walk down the halls until you find a room, seeing Dave in the bed. You hurry over to him, sitting next to him.

"H-hey... Dave it's me... John?" You sniffle a bit, holding back your tears as you put you're hand on his shoulder.

"Listen you need to wake up okay? You need to be okay... For me... Come on please.."

You rest your head next to him and sigh.

You stay there with him for a while before falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

Dirk died two days later, he had woken up and talked to Jane a bit before he did though.

There was a funeral a few days later, for Bro, D and Dirk.

You found yourself crying and holding Dave that night.

"Please don't die Dave... Dave please don't die I don't want to lose you.. " you let out a little sob, holding him tighter.

* * *

 

It had been two months and you were starting to give up on him ever waking up.

You were currently sitting next to him, reading him some dumb book.

You just wish he would wake up.

You lay your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and putting the book in your lap.

"Dave... You... You can let go if you want... I understand you won't have the ones you love to wake up to so... Go ahead and let go okay?" 

You speak softly.

Within moments there's the long loud beep of the machine. You jump back, moving away as doctors rushed it.

You watched his back arch as they shocked him, tried to bring him back but they all failed.

Time of death was called and you broke down.

He was gone.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you just lost the best boyfriend you'll ever have, DAVE STRIDER.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so yeah, tell me if I mispelled anything or got anything wrong cause it's late and I should've done more research for this then I actually did.  
> Also, I'm homeschooled so I have no idea how school nurses work. I really have no clue if they can excuse you for a week but whatever.


End file.
